27 Things Your Training Partner Won’t Tell You

This is a guest post from Susan Lacke, who has recently overcome a debilitating phobia of Twitter. You can now follow her to learn everything you never knew you needed to know about cupcakes, beer, and triathlons.

iStock 000010339559XSmall 300x200Even between friends, some things are best left unsaid.

But at No Meat Athlete, we’re happy to do the dirty work, and we think it’s about time you and your training partner got it all out in the open.  It’s time you heard a few of the things they’re dying to tell you, but never will.

What Your Training Partner Won’t Tell You

1. You will not lose momentum if you stop moving during a run. So quit jogging in place at the stoplight. You look like an idiot.

2. There are at least two embarrassing songs on everyone’s iPod playlist. There is no need to pretend you don’t know how they got there. Just own up to your love for N’Sync.

3. Everyone pees in the pool at some point. Everyone. Anyone who says they haven’t is lying. The same goes for the mass start of an open-water swim. There’s a reason that water feels so warm.

4. Please limit yourself to no more than two electronic devices when we work out together. Anything more and you have more wires coming out of you than an ICU patient.

5. Newton shoes are the Ed Hardy shirt of running.

6. Outside of your running group, no one really cares if you did a brutal 12-miler this morning. No need to try to work it into every conversation you have at work, at school, while shopping, at the bank…

7. It’s kind of annoying when you stretch in inappropriate places, like at the checkout aisle of the grocery store.

8. The first open-water swim any swimmer or triathlete does is scary. Almost everyone panics during their first. It’s normal. The real champs are the ones who face it and get back in there for a second.

9. If you’re on a Century ride and take a break: Eat first. Reapply chamois cream second. Never, ever, ever the other way around.

10. It’s not bragging if you can do it. But until you’ve done it — zip it.

11. You’re not the only one who is self-conscious about heavy breathing when training with another person.

12. Don’t wear your aero helmet on a group ride unless you want people to know you’re a tool.

13. The same goes for head-to-toe color coordination with your bike.

14. “Chariots of Fire” was good. Not great. We can quit pretending now.

15. To get rid of side stiches, take really deep breaths then exhale fully, like you’re trying to squeeze all the air out of your lungs with your diaphragm. Repeat.

16. No matter how fit we are, we still suck in our guts when we first take off our shirts during a workout. First impressions count, y’all.

17. In the pool, please wear appropriate swimwear. We don’t care how hot you are; no one needs to see all THAT.

18. Ladies – During hot races, dump the cups of ice from the aid station in your sports bra. Life…changing.

19. You’re not the only one who checks themselves out in the mirror while running on the treadmill at the gym.

20. Everyone cringes when they see their race photos online. Do you really look like that when you run? Yes. Yes, you do. Sorry.

21. Don’t dish out criticism about someone else’s diet/lifestyle/training plan unless you’re prepared to take criticism about yours in return.

22. If you’re with athletes who know more than you, don’t bullshit and pretend you know as much (or worse, more) than them. Just listen.

23. Desitin (yes, the diaper rash cream) works just as well on chafed areas as the expensive post-workout creams sold at sporting goods stores.

24. Unless you were trying to qualify for the Olympics and failed, please refrain from throwing a hissy fit at the finish line if you are unhappy with your performance. You embarrass everyone around you when you do that.

25. There are no expiration dates on PR times. But unless you set a world record or replace it with a new PR, your bragging rights expire after 5 years.

26. There is no good reason to ever, ever, EVER buy anything found in the advertising section of your favorite sport magazines. There’s a reason electroshock belts and VO2 breathing trainers aren’t featured in the actual articles of the magazine.

27. Even if a training partner is faster than you, don’t discount yourself. Chances are very good that person admires something about you: Your positive attitude, your ability to make compression shorts look good, your persistence…whatever it is, keep it up. There’s a reason they’re still training with you, you badass.

What other things do you wish your training partners knew? Share your tips and tricks in the comments below, or tell them to Susan or Matt Twitter.

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Comments

  1. I really love this, thanks for sharing :)

  2. I LOVE THIS!

    SO SO TRUE!

  3. “6. Outside of your running group, no one really cares if you did a brutal 12-miler this morning. No need to try to work it into every conversation you have at work, at school, while shopping, at the bank…”

    Apparently my co-worker hasn’t learned this yet…despite people telling him to his face to shut up about running because no one cares. Ouch.

    • Seriously? He continues AFTER he’s been told that? Wow. Someone’s got a case of the Inflated Ego…sad.

      • Nah. It’s just the main thing he has going on in his life, and he’s proud of his accomplishments. Problem is that non-runners lose interest fast. At least he’s got me around now. I may not be as serious or “badass” as he is, but at least I have reference points for what he is saying now.

  4. Love this list!

  5. Love it!!!
    All so true.
    Can’t wait till the summer to try out tip #18

  6. Love it all. Except for I still love my Newtons. I do. I LOVE them. Even if they make me an ed-hardy-like-douche.

    But, I’d argue that they don’t. But maybe that’s the douche in me.

  7. I laughed out loud during this post. And I totally jog in place! I’ll be stopping now!

  8. LOL!!! susan your great!!!!

  9. I swam on a co-ed team in high school, and there was a girl who always drafted me in my lane.

    At the end of the season, she told me my speedo was see-through.

  10. #3 reminded me of a t-shirt I recently saw someone wearing at an REI:

    “Peeing in pools since 1975″

  11. Fun post – great info!

    What I wish some runners knew … unless you are in great shape, you might look better with something over your extremely tight tights … there’s all kinds of great running skorts, mini-skirts and shorts available.

  12. Can’t. Stop. Laughing. Especially about Chariots of Fire and the color coordinated “spandex cowboys” as they’re known around here.

    Have you actually seen someone throw a fit at the finish line? I’ll admit, I don’t tri – maybe it’s just not a running thing.

    • “Spandex Cowboys.” I love it! I am going to find a way to work this phrase into conversation at some point this weekend!

      I have seen more than one hissy fit, yes. Surprisingly, all have been at marathons, not triathlons! I remember one race where there was a marathon, half marathon, and fun-run/walk all ending in the same place, and one of the marathon runners was trying to make it through the mass of humanity leading to the finish chute, and knocked a small child over (deliberately) on the way. Then he proceeded to ream out the child and his mother after he finished because he missed his 4-hour marathon goal by 30 seconds and it was somehow the child’s fault. Yeah. YEAAAAAAH. I know. I couldn’t believe it, either.

  13. This is so amazing. Can’t wait to share it with my husband…who will attest to the fact that I am guilty of #7. :)

  14. I can definetely relate to some of these – all good points to keep in mind!
    Thanks for this list :-)

  15. Great post, very funny and true. #20, so funny, haven’t taken a good picture yet.

  16. Thanks for #27… I run “with” my husband (meaning he’s at least 2 min in front of me at all times) and it’s hard to not get discouraged.

    • I can relate! My boyfriend just did Ironman Arizona…he needed to do a “nice slow jog” the day before, and I needed to do a hard tempo run. So we ran together. His “easy” pace is my “Holy-crap-I-think-I’m-going-to-die” pace. But don’t get discouraged. Just think…because your husband runs in front of you, you get a prime opportunity to look at his butt. See? A silver lining!

  17. I am very guilty of #7 and #1. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. My favorite is #12, I am glad you gave voice to my thoughts.

  18. I am guilty of several things on this list.. :(

  19. I LOVE THE NEW LAYOUT!!!

  20. and also, this post is hilarious! I do A LOT of these things

  21. Totally guilty of #13 ! Great list ! Hysterical !

  22. desitin also works well as shammy cream.. during the ride.

  23. This is one of the funniest articles I’ve read in a long time! I’m totally guilty of #6, though. Although I wish I could run 6 miles, lol.

  24. When on the bike it is perfectly acceptable to deploy a snot rocket rather than allow said snot to leak from one’s nose.

  25. Newton is the Ed Hardy of Running? No way.

    More like Nike is. Specifically Shox or anything in their Lunar line. I’d bet anything The Situation owns a pair of Shox, but not a pair of Newtons.

  26. Brilliant. #5 and #6 are so true.

  27. Very funny and oh so true advice. Thanks for putting these all in one place!!!!

    I included your site on my blog at No Umbrella media–I am snow runner (aka Mom’s Internet Adventure).

  28. Love It. Thnx 4 sharing.

  29. Right on! Great mix of humor and humility!

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