From Couches and Cupcakes to ‘Competitor’

It was one year ago that I started writing for No Meat Athlete.

One year ago, Matt called me inspirational and I accused him of being high. Obviously, hindsight being what it is, I realize could have handled that interaction with my future boss a little bit better.

Though Matt wouldn’t let me title this post with anything which may imply any impropriety of any sort, I’m going to say it anyway:

I’m glad Matt Frazier was high.

When Matt invited me to write that first post, it set off an amazing series of events. Over the last year, I’ve been allowed to come back to No Meat Athlete again and again to share information about the highs, the lows, and the just plain hysterical of running and triathlon. You read the ramblings of this No-Talent Ass Clown (my unofficial title on the site) and decided they didn’t suck…that much. For that, I thank you, even though I sometimes wonder if Matt’s been putting psychedelics in the No Meat Athlete shirts to make you high, too.

You, readers, are some of the loveliest, smartest, funniest, and most amazing people on the face of the planet. For all the shared jokes, genuine compliments, and acceptance of my addiction to spandex and cupcakes, I’m forever enamored with all of you. It’s for this reason that I’m sharing my big news here first:

I’m pregnant…

…with a food baby! PSYCH! (Please excuse me for a second while I apologize to my mother for exploiting her desire for grandchildren in the name of humor…)

Okay, seriously.

Here’s the big news:

I’m going to be writing for Competitor Magazine!

No…REALLY! You can quit laughing now. I’m really going to be writing for Competitor. They’re doing a re-vamp of the magazine and website, complete with big names like Ryan Hall, Kara Goucher, Deena Kastor…and some No-Talent Ass Clown named Susan Lacke is their new humor columnist.

If you still think I’m joking, check out my first column. See?

And yes, I insulted my new boss by calling him a freakin’ schmuck in my first post. I guess some lessons are harder to learn than others. At least I didn’t say he was high.

Don’t worry, Lovely NMAs — I’m not leaving you! As long as you’ll still have me, Matt’s letting me keep my title as NMA’s Resident Triathlete. You’ll still be getting my ramblings on this site once a month. In between NMA postings, I’d love to have you join me on Thursdays at and every month in the print magazine. I’ll also be guest-posting on other sites whenever the opportunity presents itself.

So Much Can Change in a Year

I feel so lucky to have gotten to be a part of your lives for the last year. Every day, I wake up and pinch myself: Stuff like this doesn’t happen to people like me! I still feel like it’s some sort of cosmic mistake, like the Universe is going to knock on my door one day and say,”Sorry, we meant to give this amazing life to someone else. We’ll be taking that back. Here…have a Slim Jim and some Doritos instead.”

Yes, even the Universe is high.


I thank Matt for giving me my start as a writer and for putting up with my endless BS with more patience, understanding, and constructive criticism than Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama, and all the world’s Kindergarten teachers combined. I thank my running and triathlon buddies for letting me recruit them into helping me test products or write articles to share with you. I thank my friends and family for actually admitting they know me when we’re out in public, even during those times I sweat profusely while wearing spandex.

Most importantly, I thank you, NMAs. As one (very small) token of my thanks, I’m offering a one-year subscription to Competitor Magazine to a lucky reader! To win, help me spread the word about my new column: Share my first post with on your Twitter or Facebook, then come back here and let me know you shared it. Yes, the honor system applies — given how awesome you’ve been over the past year, I trust you.

If I could wrap my arms around each of you and squeeze the (vegan) stuffing out of you, I would. You’ve made this past year incredible — I can’t wait to see what the next year’s got in store. I’m hoping for lots of health, laughter, and running carrots.

About the Author: Susan Lacke serves as No Meat Athlete’s Resident Triathlete. When she’s not swimming, cycling, or running, she can usually be found tripping over nonexistent obstacles or face-down in a plate full of cupcakes. Susan often lays awake at night trying to think of ways to make you laugh in 140 characters or less on Twitter: @Susan Lacke.



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  1. I tweeted the article! Congratulations. I’ve always enjoyed your posts. You make endurance sports much more approachable. Thank you!

  2. Congratulations! I read that mag all the time and can’t wait to see you in there!

  3. CONGRATULATIONS! how exciting! I love reading your posts, and I went and shared it on my facebook! what a great great thing for you!

  4. I am fairly new to your blog and just wanted to say thanks to you for having such an inspirational and motivational blog. It’s nice to have a blog that caters to athletes or active individuals that primarily eat a plant-based diet. Whahoo, NMA!

  5. I shared your post on twitter and facebook!! Susan you are so amazing, I love every single one of your posts πŸ™‚ I’m training for my first half-ironman this summer, and now all I’ll be able to think of is running from one free food table to the next πŸ˜€

  6. That’s awesome, Susan. Congratulations! What a great first post! I’ve shared your new gig on twitter so that everyone can have the opportunity to check it out.

  7. First, congratulations! You rock in a zillion ways, so I guess this new achievement is a zillion and one?

    I shared it on Twitter (before I even knew there was a contest, thank you very much) and then on Facebook (when I DID know there was a contest!) πŸ˜‰

  8. Wow, very nice. Ass clowns always get the good stuff! First they got the chicks, now it’s the jobs… what’s next? πŸ˜‰

  9. Jon Weisblatt says:

    Congratulations on another achievement! I am not on Twitter or Facebook (I don’t even own a cell phone!). But I will call my friends from my landline and email them. I look forward to reading your article. Thanks for representing those of us that make the elite athletes look good. If it wasn’t for us, who would they have to beat?!

  10. I tweeted it but I would have tweeted it anyway! HA! SO funny!!!

  11. Congrats! I posted your column to my Facebook status, saying I could relate to you!

  12. Shared it on FB because it’s hilarious and I look forward to reading it on a regular basis. I too am not an athlete. I have finished 55 races ranging from 3 miles to a 30K (9 half marathons and 4 sprint triathlons) but I am not an athlete either. I am a fat chick who is super amused by running, races, biking, and triathlons and love the great people you meet along the way.

  13. Joe Kanaszka says:

    Your’re funny as hell! Just shared on my FB page. Way to go!

  14. congrats. I am a newcomer to the blog and have been sharing it with friends and co workers…posted on fb today!

  15. I shared your article in twitter! Your story is impressive. I want to do my first marathon this year! Motivation like this sure helps!

  16. I totally get it about the cupcakes. And, the cookies.

    I shared your link on Facebook. Maybe it will motivate some of my hardcore Exercise Avoidance friends to get moving!

  17. christopher says:

    congrats on the new gig. article posted on facebook as inspiration for all.

  18. Hi, Consider yourself shared (errr, your article, moreso) on Facebook! And my eventually blog…, I promise — I’m sure my 2ish readers will appreciate the link a TON! πŸ™‚

    In other news, I hope someone gives me a pink flamingo (or something memorable like that) along a course some day! OR – ooooh – a subscription to Competitor Magazine! That would be pretty awesome and memorable, too! πŸ™‚

    But I digress. As always, you’re awesome! THANK YOU for your completely relatable, super-funny, all-around fantastic posts!!

  19. Congratulations!! Your first column has been shared on FB… and I threw in a good word for No Meat Athelte, too πŸ˜‰

  20. congratulations (on the new job, and another great article – they truly are a real treat to read!). tweeted πŸ™‚

  21. Pam Ruhland says:

    Susan, you seriously make me laugh! I did put your link on Facebook and hope many more people get a chance to read your work. All fun, all the time. To heck with all this serious nonsense πŸ™‚

    Pam in Calgary

  22. Tweeted it! I’m a new reader and am loving every second of it. Have spent the last hour (at work…oops) catching up on past articles. Love your take on it – running and training should be fun.

  23. Congrats!!! As a fellow No Meat Athlete, it’s always nice to see a fellow plant-fueler make it so far. I just sent by co-worker your column πŸ™‚

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